by Loren Keim
There are times when I’m not the most tactful person in the world. In fact, there are times when even I am surprised at what comes out of my mouth.
For example, I was once in a real estate workshop in Tampa with over seven hundred agents in the room, when one of my agents was introducing me to a young woman who had flown in the night before from Tennessee.
“Your agent was nice enough to buy me a drink last evening,” she said.
“Really?” I replied, “I would have bought you eight.”
Everyone within earshot laughed, and although I was kidding, I had a really tough time explaining to my wife what I meant by that comment. There are many days, and this was one of them, when I wonder why my wife puts up with me.
On another occasion several years ago, a client, with whom I had previously worked on selling several investment properties, asked me to look at her primary residence. I had known from prior experience that she held onto “stuff” long past its useful life, but I didn’t realize the extent of her pack-rattery until I walked into her home and saw that every inch of the house appeared to be covered with piles of magazines, books, newspapers and boxes of knickknacks. I was surprised the home hadn’t already spontaneously combusted from all the old paper. Her decorating, the little that was visible over the mounds, was more than a bit eccentric. It was downright odd. Of course, who am I to judge? I have antique super hero action figures displayed on the wall in my office.
Anyway, the home still retained a bit of character, but it needed significant work, beginning with a good cleaning, fresh paint and some new floor coverings. At the time, I believe I estimated the value at around two hundred thousand dollars. However, Fran explained that she wanted to move to a farm she was purchasing and really wanted five hundred thousand dollars. I told her that it was highly unlikely that she’d receive such a high price, and even if I found someone to pay it, the buyer would probably need to secure a mortgage which meant that the mortgage company would require an appraisal in order to guarantee the lender that there was sufficient value in the home if the buyer defaulted. Also, the appraiser would be likely to look at the same comparable sales that I had, and be likely to come up with a very close number to mine.
It was at that point that Fran let me know she had an offer of twice that amount on the table already. “They’re willing to pay me nearly a million dollars,” she said.
“If you were offered a million dollars, Fran, take it!” I exclaimed. “But who in the world would pay that much for your home?”
“A developer,” she said.
“But you only have an acre,” I countered. “What possible reason would a developer have for wanting this property? Lots are only selling for fifty thousand dollars each and he’d be lucky to get two out of this property.”
“The developer bought the land behind me to put up a nursing home,” she explained. “But the city told them that they don’t have enough land, so they need mine in order to start construction.”
“Okay. Well, if they’re offering you a million dollars, why would you want to list it for sale for five hundred thousand?”
“Why? Because they’d want to tear down my house,” she said indignantly. “I couldn’t allow that.”
“Fran,” I said, looking around at the litter of books and magazines, not to mention newspapers. “If someone offered me a million dollars for this home, I wouldn’t bother to move the furniture. I’d light the home for them on the way out.”
Needless to say, she didn’t list with me.
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